Apologies for the ultimate laziness/not posting for two weeks. So much has occurred this month (all uplifting and progressive stuff), so I've been a little distracted. To make up for it, I'll be posting 2X this week.
Today's title is a play on something my therapist said to me last Friday: "What are your hands trying to say?" We were talking about how frustrated I get with my hands.
For years, my fingers have been the baseline for where my anxiety starts.
It's the only part of me that evokes my emotions so clearly. No one has to see my chest pulsating, or my curls thumping against my face in response to said pulsating. No one can hear the speed of my thoughts or the internal conflicts, and no one has a clue how my dissociation feels to me (nice to finally have a name for it!).
But everyone can see what my fingers are doing. Lol. Some behaviors remain hidden in plain sight, but my palms are always ready to shine on -_-
Therapy uncovers *alll* the cover-ups...
In pulling back the curtains and answering her insightful questions, I'm learning to pay attention to what my body is telling me. The twitching, biting, ring twirling, picking, sliding, and palm-squeezing when there's nothing left to squeeze are all ways my emotions have learned to get through to me.
Instead of getting better at hiding, I'm starting to use this new info while communicating with people. My roommate and I were chatting about how therapy is going. I told her, "See how I'm tossing the sleeves on this shirt around? I'm doing this because I'm talking about something that makes me feel uncomfortable, and my hands need a way to express that." I showed her the air-dry clay my therapist gave me, and I told her about the other ways I'm keeping my hands active and energized (the push-ups are working WONDERS ;p).
So what's your body telling you? How does it communicate stuff you wish you could say aloud? What do you ignore throughout the day as it relates to your mental space? Does your foot tap every time you feel uncomfortable? Lol.
I'm sure most of us would benefit from a deeper awareness about the little ticks we get used to.
My hands are trying to tell me that my emotions are clear. My hands are telling me that I'm human, that I'm reactive, and that stress not only pops up in my fingertips, but (fortunately :-D) in almost every other area of my body. Oh, the stick figure charts...
Our bodies are the ultimate communication machines, and they're made to do what they know. Our fidgets are talking to us, and that's awesome. But it's no bueno once we stop listening.
When I use the term "stress" on the blog, it's only referring to the traumas related to my PTSD. In light of a seemingly increasing audience (!!!), I promise ya'll I love to have fun! Lmao. I go dancing about 3X a week, I love to talk, and I'm most definitely a people-person. My wish for bklynprose is to dispel the mental health stigmas that connect therapy to "you're crazy, betch."