How I Learned To Unleash My Inner Self, Part 1 (Feat. Sheneneh GIFs!)

If you don't know who this is, stop speaking to me. Via  GIPHY .com!

If you don't know who this is, stop speaking to me. Via!

Hello comrades 🖖

I hope the week is kickin' off well for ya'll. It is for me! 

After an exhausting start to last week, I felt like I was constantly catching up with myself. Spent a few OT hours in front of the computer, but eye strain ain't got nothin' on me and these new specs!!! 

main highlights (heh):

  • Finally got together with a new friend! Brainstorming some dope event ideas with @iamayajack. A talent sound engineer + singer, Aya is producing a project called "Medusa," which is a visual and musical exploration into life as a survivor of sexual violence.
  • Um, my birthday is next week! #scorpioseason #25andfine
  • Catching up with my middle school teacher (!!) after a stroke of intuition told me to reach out. Learning that my 11-year-old self is my 2017 self... HoW 'bout dat?
  • Finally learning PhotoShop, which has long been on the to-dos
  • Putting extra touches on my upcoming fundraiser. More dets soon come!
  • Started skating again after needing to fix my new glasses. I'm faster now AND can 360 spin on them back wheels tho
  • Performing on Fridey (11/17) for Queer Abstract!!! Follow @bklynprose for dets
  • Recorded video for a friend @ Collective Sex!!! It's for a grad school project, but should be dope enough for the interwebs. First real interview I've done!

Where's all this goodgood coming from? Thin air, perhaps?

Naw. It's me being/doing/respecting/acknowledging what's right 4 me.

Reading is fundamental ⤵️✨ carry on:

First of all, this post will need to be done in installments. Lol.

(& nah, I won't stop using texting speak OR emojis ✨✨✨)

How I express myself, even down to minutiae like SMS language, is rooted in my constant need to uncover. And there's no way I could unpack alladat in one blog. If I could, bklynprose would be kaput. (I'm all about dat journey.)

I've been exploring my connection to the word "freedom" after deciding that my freedom -- my ability to choose, my ability to be as I please in every sense -- is the ultimate key to my happiness.

Thas right. Not money. Not romance. & Not new shoes.
There she goes again. Via  GIPHY .com!

There she goes again. Via!

I've spent 2017 contemplating deeply and questioning hard. What contributes to my lack of freedom? How can I combat my anxiety, which -- duh -- contributes to feeling limited? What's the root that causes me to crrrrrave this "freedom" thing?

Yeah, issa lot. None of these are easy Qs, and for folks who know me, I'd hope they'd also know that I ask myself (lol) 100 follow up questions to each original question.

The interview I took part in last weekend (re: that final note in the intro) shed light on these lingering questions. Actually, this entire year shed some light on these thoughts... It's a list of questions I'll probably spend the rest of my life thinking about.

I've never shared such a defined space with folks who want to hear me babble about what contributes to this sense of feeling free.

The interview, which was mainly done for an MFA project, will likely find it's way online. I'm so excited to share the final product; I talked about my mental health journey, my reasons for founding bklynprose, and a little bit of my survivor story. They also asked me Qs related to writers that inspire me (Julia Alvarez is the answer if you wanna win bklynprose trivia!!!).

Nerves got me for the first two questions, which riled up some intense emotions. (I'll discuss that in installment #2.) But ya'll know I hammed on once I was ready. Lol. I'd only hoped the questions were answered in full.

I accepted the crew's expressions -- engaged, awake, focused, and laughing -- as a really positive sign. They seemed to enjoy my specificity, which never gets me into trouble when it's related to bklynprose 😂

Tell it like it is, boo. Via  GIPHY .com!

Tell it like it is, boo. Via!

Freedom. Freedom feels limitless. It's acceptance. It's also a feeling of reconciliation, which was one of many reasonable items on my bucket list for the year. Yes, I've had a lot of 💩 to take care of. I checked that box back in August, along with a few other acts of courage. Here's a brief directly-quoted peek at my list, titled:

"Goals 4 twenty seventeen"
  • Raise community
  • More exploration and uninhibited decisions
  • Meet someone new every month * meet & maintain ~ won't always work, doe
  • Write while sad & hurt
  • Open-mindedness, self-love, therapy, reconciliation, nurturing, progression
  • In short: walk in my light ✨

^ These were some of the best completed ones, along with "wear more black 😀." I wrote these items down because I knew what I needed. I've always valued progression and reaching a higher sense of self. But this was the first year I decided to be my entire self and run wit it.

Ya know, just to see what might happen 🤔 No tricks, no gimmicks. 

This is just the beginning. I ain't writing a novel outchea. 

Come back next week! Hope this is leaving an unnecessary amount of suspense. Love love love to you all. Be ya muthflippin' self this week and next week and...